Think about the attributes in a partner and/or future partner that would inspire you.
Maybe they are right under your eyes…
Maybe there is something that you take for granted. Focus and look at what draws you to them in the first place. Something that will call out the best in you and that inspires you.
My Fit For Service challenge this week asked me to consider these statements and then write as if the relationship already happened. To thank myself for what I have not seen and be grateful for what I have received.
What do they do that brings out the enthusiasm and the passion in me?
This is by far my most favorite weekly challenge thus far and I am ready to dive deep into it.
First of all, love is my top, guiding inspiration.
You see, as I shared about a little already, I came from a dysfunctional family environment where love was displayed as yelling, lying, deceit, and betrayal. I knew from a very early age that I wanted to love differently in order to create the family and find the life partner of my dreams.
But it had to start with me first.
I have been working on myself for the last 15+ years with the intention to be better for not only myself but for my partner. So when Aubrey gave us this challenge, I was excited to share my view and the attributes I desire in my love life partner.
Love is my #1 Core Value
I have 21 core values. That’s right 21. Have you ever taken a moment to discover your core values? I worked with Success Training Co. to discover all 21 of mine. And love is at the very top of the list. Above health, above family, above loyalty….love sits proudly in the number one position.
Love is the foundation that I have built all of my other values around. So when I think about all the attributes I desire to have in a future partner, I can’t help but honor my values and think about what are the most important things to me; what truly matters.
Many of us have an idea of what we don’t want in a partner. But there’s magic in only focusing on what we do want, then start to curate those wants in ourselves first.
Top Attributes of a Lover That Inspire Me
This past year I had the opportunity to experience a man fully available, embodied my top lover attributes, and the result was the most amazing experience out of all my relationships.
For me, those top attributes in a lover are emotional connection and availability.
I say these with conviction because this man showed me what truly matters when it comes to relationships. How, when we have the foundational ability to communicate in a non-violent, loving way, we grow closer beyond measure. This foundation made all other forms of intimacy in the relationship so much better and was the glue of our partnership.
When I first met Scott, I was drawn to him for his level of emotional availability, his carefree soul, his dreamer mentality, and his outgoing personality. His smile and laughter made my tough heart crack open wider than I could have ever imagined. He had a way of making me laugh and lean in to my feminine place. I surrendered. With him, I was taken care of from a place of unconditional love and support. But let me be clear…this was new for me.
I wrote a whole article about self-sabotage recently and about how we can be our own worst enemies (and also gave tips on how to reverse it). But let me tell you – just because I may be experienced and trained in guiding others on how to recognize and reverse it, doesn’t mean that I am immune to self-sabotage.
As time went on with Scott, I realized I was going into protector mode of myself. Why? Because I fell back into my mentality of waiting for the shoe to fall off the other foot.
I would find myself picking the small things apart, cause ripples in our calm ocean. But this behavior was operating from a scarcity place – a place I know all too well from a lifetime of experience. The narrative I learned early on: everyone I love, leaves me.
When Aubrey mentioned to not only reflect on the qualities you desire in a lover, but also all the ways you take that relationship for granted, I knew immediately that I took the safe container of uncondontional love for granted.
So where does this leave me in my call to adventure around romantic love?! What do I want in a partnership? What are all the ways I can be inspired and allow my partner to pull the best out of me?
Well, here it goes….
It is now September 2020
Waking up in my love life partner’s arms feels unbelievable. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the way this man shows me love every day by supporting me and adding so much value to my life – especially fun, adventure, laughter and all the ways to let go!
With unconditional love, communication, family, support, compassion, fun, honesty, trust, and appreciation, we have built a committed partnership on these values and it keeps getting better.
Hearing him tell me, “I love you,” and, “I want to support you,” feels unbelievable. In my heart I know I have found a love that gives with no conditions and has no expectations back.
Hearing all the ways we laugh, giggle and talk about our future adventures with our family makes us both so happy and appreciative in the ways we both get to honor what we want in this life. And we make a commitment to support each other in our dreams and adventures.
We put our love and family first because, for us, this is the glue that creates a safe, supported, healthy, fun partnership that in time will result in marriage with agreements that support each of our individual needs, desires and wants.
Seeing us have such open communication, love, kindness, honesty and appreciation for each other is what truly inspires me every day! Our partnership motivates me daily into continuing to show up not only for myself but for our family and each other. His love helps me to be more kind, compassionate and in turn, helps me give back and be of service to the world around me!
This feeling is UNREAL and LOVE beyond my wildest dreams.
My main passion in life is love. My main purpose in life is family.
As I wake up today, overlooking the ocean in San Clemente, CA as I write this, the only thing I can say is that when you believe you deserve it, the universe will serve it.
You just have to know that only courageous hearts experience Epic Love.
And I’m ready.