A couple of weeks ago I shared my thoughts on how your self-concept matters to create sustainable change in your life.
Essentially, when you get to the root of your belief system about yourself, you will better understand the daily behaviors that you are doing to support what you believe about yourself – good or bad.
Self-esteem and self-concept are linked. They play off of each other in a proverbial circle of inner self talk.
Let me help paint the picture:
When we have succeeded at an important task, when we have done something that we think is useful or important, or when we feel that we are accepted and valued by others, our self-concept will contain many positive thoughts and we will therefore have high self-esteem. When we have failed, done something harmful, or feel that we have been ignored or criticized, the negative aspects of the self-concept are more accessible and we experience low self-esteem. (The Feeling Self: Self-Esteem)
What is Self-Esteem?
As always, I like to set the stage a little. Let’s really define what I’m talking about. According to Very Well Mind, self-esteem is defined as a term used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.
Where does your Self-Esteem lie?
Good self-esteem, bad self-esteem…where does it come from? Where is it developed? And how is it reinforced?
These are all questions that my clients and I like to explore.
I might sound like a broken record if you have been following my videos and blogs for a while now, but self-esteem is rooted in the daily habits and behaviors that you choose for yourself.
Your inner voice or your inner critic can be a pretty loud annoying jerk – am I right? Negative thoughts about yourself and the world around you are a catalyst for stopping you dead in your tracks to even taking a first step towards choosing positive behaviors.
In order to improve or change low-self esteem you must first change the negative behavior patterns that reinforce your negative thoughts that in turn lower your self-esteem. Some of these habits can include:
- Viewing the world as a hostile place
- Making poor choices in friends/activities
- Always viewing yourself as a victim
- Avoiding risk-taking
- Feeling anxious in new situations
- Being reluctant to speak your mind
- Comparing yourself to others
Changing negative behavior patterns and habits into new, more positive and healthy habits can seem like a daunting task. There is no light switch that you click and suddenly choose better habits that support a positive self-esteem.
So how do you move forward to creating a positive self-esteem through daily habits and behaviors that support your desired outcome? Here’s a really simple start for you:
- Start expressing what you need to your loved ones. Practice this every day. So many people neglect their needs and wants in favor of others’. Put priority into your needs and tell the people you love.
- Believe that your mindset matters. Find a mantra that you can start to tell yourself every day to remind you of the mindset you want to have throughout the day.
- Practice saying “no.” This is a big one and super important – here’s why
Just as I mentioned in my self-concept blog and the same resonates for your self-esteem: focusing on day-to-day behaviors is the sustainable path to long-term change in who you want to become.
If you are struggling with self-esteem and your behaviors around it, lets jump on a free 1 hour Discovery Session. Book your free session today here.